I Will Always Love You (I Just Don't Like You Very Much Right Now)
by NeteleJala
Summary: Destiel is canon. The story of Dean and Castiel that was edited from the show. A series of one-shots that revel the true story behind their love. Starts in Season 5 hopefully will continue to the end of the series.
1. 53 Free to Be You and Me

**A/N- This is a Destiel fic, don't like it, go someplace else. I see Destiel as canon and unlike many who write their love in AU I wanted to show how it is part of the story, just not shown in the show. As I see it the show editors cut out Dean and Castiel's love, but you can see the tell-tale signs in some scenes they couldn't cut and that is where this fic comes in. It will not be a continuous story as much as a series of one-shots that tell their story, behind the story.**

**I don't own anything Supernatural.**

**This takes place during 5.3 "Free to Be You and Me"**

"Well. Last night on Earth. What are your plans?" Dean looked at Cas.

"I just thought I'd sit here quietly." _With you, _Cas finished silently.

"Come on, anything? Booze, women?" Dean pried. Cas looks at Dean longingly and was on the edge of blurting out his feelings, but he looked away, embarrassed and uncomfortable. "You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?" Cas rubbed the back of his neck trying to think of how to explain angel sex. Dean scoffed, "You mean to tell me you've never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?"

"Look, I've never had occasion, okay?" Castiel replied, upset with Dean for not picking up on Castiel's feelings.

"All right." Dean grabbed his jacket and headed out of the abandoned building to find the nearest cat house.

.oO~Oo.

Dean was happy he was able to find an upscale brothel. He got a drink and found a table, ready to wait until Cas found someone he was interested in. Dean looked over at Cas and noticed how stiff the man was (and not in a good way). "Hey. Relax."

"This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here." Castiel replied nervously. He could only imagine what his superiors would do if they discovered him here.

"Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks." Dean chuckled at Cas's unease. As a hooker approached, Dean smiled, drawing her in. "Showtime." He muttered. If he had to wait for Cas to make a move they would be here all night and he would really like to get some sleep.

"Hi. What's your name?" the hooker asked. Cas tried to avoid her gaze and then realized he was staring at her breasts so he tried looking anywhere, but at her.

"Cas." Dean urged. Cas is startled and is still avoiding looking at the scantily dressed women. Dean realized this was not going to go anywhere so he took the initiative. "His name is Cas. What's your name?"

"Chastity." the hooker replied, smiling.

"Chastity," Dean repetes. Cas takes a drink of his beer, still trying not to look at her. "Wow. Is that kismet or what, buddy?" Dean smiled at Cas, but Cas just glared back. "Well, he likes you, you like him, so dayenu."

Chastity tugged Castiel up and he followed, reluctantly behind. "Come on, baby."

Dean caught Cas as he passed and handed him a wad of cash. "Hey, listen. Take this. If she asks for a credit card, no. Now just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu." Dean smirks. "Go get her, tiger" Castiel doesn't move. "Don't make me push you."

Castiel sighed and took the money, following 'Chastity' towards the back. Cas wished he had the courage to tell Dean he would rather be following him than some random woman, but he knew that Dean would survive tomorrow and he didn't want to burden his friend with his feelings.

Cas followed as Chastity escorted him into a private room. She closed the door and turned to look at him, "Well, sugar, how about we get you out of those clothes?" She asks as she starts to push the coat off Castiel's shoulder. Cas grabs her hand to stop her, ready to give her the money and just ask to wait until Dean is otherwise occupied, before leaving. "Don't worry, hon." She says grabbing his tie, "You're not my first, first timer. I'll make it special for you. Hell, I might even give you a discount, being you're so good looking." She cooed as she ran her hands through his hair.

_Okay, time to switch tactics. _Cas looks past Chastity's eyes and into her soul. "It's not your fault your father ran off. Gene hated his job at the post office."

Her reaction was instant, she pushed him away screaming. She backed away, crying. "Get out of my face! Leave me alone! Bastard! Screw you, jerk!" she threw the cash she had taken from his pocket back at him. "I'll kill you!" She said, storming past Dean and back into the main bar. Cas quickly masked his face in confusion as Dean approached.

"The Hell did you do?" Dean asked.

"I don't know." Castiel played dumb. "I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office."

"Oh, no...man." Dean groaned.

"What?" Cas asked, looking into Dean's green eyes.

"This whole industry runs on absent fathers. It's, It's the natural order." Dean tried to explain. He noticed two large men, most likely bouncers, entering from the main room and he grabbed Cas's shoulder. "We should go. Come on." He said, pulling him through the door.

Cas and Dean stumbled out into the alley, Dean couldn't help but laugh. "What's no funny?" Cas asked, looking at Dean quizzically.

"Oh, nothing." Dean took a deep breath, calming his fit of giggles. "It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more than a long time. Years." Dean stopped laughing as he realized what he was saying.

Cas watched Dean's face fall as he got into the car. His heart ached for the man. Cas leaned over and kissed Dean. He just wanted to see a smile on the young man's face again.

_What the Hell! _Dean thought as Cas's lips connected with his. He started to pull back, but realized there was nowhere to go in the car. He raised his hands to push Cas off, but ended up grabbing the collar of Cas's trench coat.

Cas realized his mistake, too late. _Kissing Dean wouldn't cheer him up, it would cheer me up! _Just as Cas was going to pull back, Dean's hand fisted into his coat and pulled him tighter. _What the! Mmmmm… _Rational thought left Cas's head as Dean's tongue snaked along his lips, asking for entrance. Cas opened his mouth to Dean and lost himself in the kiss.

**A/N- Reviews inspire me to write faster and update more, please leave your thoughts!**


	2. 53 Free to Be You and Me part 2

**A/N Thank you to The ****Communist**** Unicorn and Eyum daRelmera for the reviews! I also ****appreciated**** being followed and favorites by oaiela and Isabellarose04! Without further ado, a little smut! I have up-ed the rating on this story to reflect its new content. **

**This is a continuation from the last chapter and takes place during 5.3 "Free to Be You and Me"**

"Dean," Cas's voice was deeper than usual as Dean pulled back from their kiss to catch his breath.

"Nah, no talking," Dean silenced Cas's response with a kiss and relished in the feel of the others man's lips pressing against his. _Since when have I liked guys? No...Cas, since when have I liked Cas? _

As much as he wanted to keep kissing Dean, Cas pulled back, "Dean..." He tried to get the other man's attention. Dean sighed and opened his eyes to look at Cas. Cas's blue eyes were dark with lust and Dean felt his pants get tight. Cas took a deep breath and rather than calm himself he smelled Dean, something between hayfields after a rainstorm and stale beer, and felt his arousal grow.

"What Cas?" Den asked, his voice deep with passion and twinged with annoyance.

"Dean…" Cas took another moment to settle his brain. "I'm sorry. That was... inappropriate."

"Inappropriate? Cas…" Dean was flummoxed. He still didn't understand his own feelings and now Cas was second guessing his feelings. "Why?" Dean's question got stuck in his throat.

Cas sat back and sighed. "I...I've loved you since I first saw you." Dean stared at Cas, not sure how to process what the angel was saying. Cas looked sorrowfully at Dean and then down to his lap. "When I saw your soul, battered and breaking, I...I felt…I felt something. For the first time ever I felt an emotion."

"Why...why didn't you say anything?" Dean asked.

Castiel shifted in his seat, "I didn't know what love was. It took me awhile to figure out what I was feeling. First it made me angry, then scared. It was overwhelming. And then...then I realized my feelings and I didn't want to lose your friendship."

"Why would you lose my friendship?" Dean asked.

"Because you wouldn't want me around," Cas tried to explain.

"Because you love me? Why wouldn't I want you around?" Dean gave Cas a quizzical look.

Cas seemed to fold in on himself, "You like women. I thought you'd be uncomfortable around me if you knew." Dean was silent for a minute, then another and another. Finally, Cas moved to get out of the car.

Dean grabbed his sleeve to keep him in the car. Cas looked up, his eyes met Dean's. "I…" Dean took a breath to steady himself "I wouldn't want you gone." Cas's eyes widened as he looked at Dean. Dean looked away. "You're right. I do like women, but...I don't want to lose you either. I…" Dean trailed off not knowing how to explain his feelings.

"I...I could find a female vessel…" Castiel suggested.

"NO!" Dean whipped his head around to look at Castiel. "I...I mean, you are you, right? I don't want you taking somebody else's body."

Cas smiled at Dean's reaction. "Yeah, this body is mine, it stopped being Jimmy when Lucifer rose."

Dean nodded, "Yeah, I wouldn't want you taking another person's body."

"So, where does that leave us?" Cas asked, disappointment evident in his tone.

"I...I don't know man. You know I hate this chick-flick stuff." Cas's eyes bored into Dean's soul and Dean sighed, "I...I didn't hate it. The kiss I mean."

Cas smirked, "I could tell."

Dean glared at the other man, "This is new territory for me, Cas. I...It's going to take me time to figure out my feelings."

"I don't have time," Castiel replied, "This is my last night on Earth."

Dean looked in his friend's blue eyes and swallowed. Before he could overthink it, Dean leaned over and kissed Castiel. Cas eagerly accepted the kiss and ran his hand through Dean's hair. Dean moaned and opened his mouth to Cas's tongue.

Cas slid closer to Dean until their legs were touching. His pants were too tight again as the blood rushed from his brain. He stuttered when he felt Dean place a hand on his knee. Cas moved his right hand from Dean's hair and slowly felt his way down Dean's chest. He could feel the tight muscles through the thin black shirt and his erection strained against his pants.

Dean was forced to break off the kiss so he could breath. "Cas...I don't…" Cas cut him off with another kiss and Dean relented, giving himself over to Cas. His eyes shot open when Cas's caressing hand reached his crotch, but his nerves were quickly forgotten as Cas started to rub him to the rhythm of his tongue moving in Dean's mouth. Dean moaned and melted into the seat. _It has been far too long._ He thought, moving his hand up Cas's leg.

Cas moaned with pleasure as Dean's hand brushed over his erection. Dean smiled into their kiss. _Damn, that's hot!_ Dean was still unsure about what he was doing, _It's like being a teenager all over again! _And the mixture of nerves and desire was very, very arousing. Dean shifted trying to free his erection, but it didn't help. Finally, he reached down and unbuttoned his jeans.

Cas froze, unsure of what Dean was trying to do, but when Dean brought his hand back to touch his erection through the thin material of his boxers, Cas's heart pounded and his own erection throbbed. Breaking the kiss again, Dean looked into Castiel's eyes as he moved his hand to the other man's fly. Cas gave a slight eager nod and Dean undid his pants, sliding his hand in.

"Tighty-whities, really Cas?" Dean mused as he ran his hand over the considerable length. Cas cocked his head and looked at Dean, confused. Dean smiled and kissed Cas again and he slowly slid his hand under the waistband of Cas's underwear. Cas moaned as his hips bucked involuntarily into Dean's hand. Dean started to chuckle, but it turned into a groan of desire as Castiel slipped his hand into Dean's boxers.

Dean realized that Cas's choice of underwear made a discrete hand-job impossible. Dean pulled at the waist of Cas's pants and Cas realized what he wanted and helped him by lifting himself off the seat so Dean could pull his underwear down.

Dean looked around at the parking lot. They were very exposed. He shrugged off his coat and helped Castiel do the same. Laying their coats across their laps, Dean reached under the coat to where Cas was making a tent. Dean hesitated, then wrapped his hand around Cas. Cas's erection was slick from his prolonged arousal and he sighed as Dean's strong hand encircled him. Cas spit into his hand and then felt under Dean's coat until he found the young man's erection. Eons of watching humans had taught him the mechanics, but nothing had prepared him for the sensation.

By unspoken agreement, they both started at a slow pace, first exploring then slowly sliding their hands up and down. They matched each other's pace and locked eyes. Castiel stopped breathing as Dean started to pant. Their lips smashed into a kiss that was full of desire and need. Their teeth scrapped as their kiss deepened and their pace became fast and furious.

When Cas moved his thumb up to rub Dean's tip, Dean cried out as his orgasm hit, causing him to spill into Cas's hand. Dean's cry of pleasure plus the final squeeze he gave Cas put him over the top as well. Cas whimpered as the pleasure from his first orgasm overwhelmed him. Cas leaned forward and rested his forehead on Dean's. "Wow," was all he could say.

**A/N- Comments, Questions, Concerns...**


	3. 5-3 Free to Be You and Me part 3

**A/N Sorry this is so short, I have been under the weather and I struggled to get Cas and Dean on character for these scene. Thanks again to Communist Unicorn for your beta review and friendship. Thanks to Eyum daRelmera for the review and suggestions, I made the changes if you want to go back and re-read!**

Cas's head was leaned all the way back against the Impala's seat and his eyes were closed, reveling in the sensations, post orgasim. Dean pulled his hand out from under Cas's coat and looked for something to wipe his hand off with. Cas opened his eyes as Dean let go and rolled his head to the side to look at the man. The look in Dean's eyes brought Cas to immediate attention, he straightened up, retrieved his own hand of Dean's pants and reached out to touch his friend _and lover? _

Dean flinched as Cas reached for him and Cas's heart sunk. He knew it had been too good to last and the look on Dean's face said it all. It was a mixture of fear and repulsion. Cas sighed and reached for Dean's forehead with two fingers. Dean leaned back, warily, but Cas continued until he barely touched the other man's head. Instantly, they were cleaned up and their clothes and jackets were back in place.

Dean turned to face the steering wheel as Cas let his hand drop back to his side. Dean silently started the car and put it in reverse. Cas swallowed the feeling bubbling up in his chest and mumbled, "Thank you." Dean responded with a slight nod while continuing to watch the road. Cas couldn't stand the tension anymore and disappeared in a flutter of wings.

Surprised, Dean looked over at the empty seat, and sighed. _Well, I could have handled that better! _He thought to himself. _What just happened? Do I like guys? No, I like women. That makes me...bisexual? I've never been attracted to guys...have I? No, just Cas. Cas is...different. He's Cas! _Dean smiled as his thoughts drifted to Cas. He shook his head, trying to shake the thoughts of Cas away. _What am I going to do?_

.oO~Oo.

Cas paced the floor of the abandoned house. He had so many feelings. Feelings he couldn't figure out. He hated feelings. _No, I just don't like these feelings. The feeling of Dean's hand on-_ Cas looked down as he cut that thought off. He hated the way his vessel betrayed his emotions. _Dean didn't want me to change my vessel! _A warmth bubbled up in Cas's chest, _Another feeling! _but this one he didn't mind.

Cas had become attached to his vessel's form and the fact that Dean looked past his maleness, made Cas's heart want to fly out of his chest. Before Dean he never realized the intricacies of human emotions and now… Well, now he was becoming more and more human with each new emotion Dean inspired.

Cas looked up when he heard the Impala pull up to the house. He wasn't sure what he would say to Dean. He wasn't even sure he wanted to hear what Dean said, but he wanted to see Dean again, so he stayed.

Dean opened the door, and was half surprised to find Cas standing across the room looking at him. Dean closed the door behind him and looked down while fumbling with his keys. "Sorry," he murmured.

Cas cocked his head, not sure if he heard what he thought he did. Dean looked up and met Cas's eyes. Cas could see the regret and confusion in Dean's face. It felt like someone had grabbed his heart and squeezed. "Don't be sorry for...for what we did."

Dean sighed, "I'm not. I'm sorry for how I reacted."

Cas let out a sigh, releasing all the tension from his body. "Don't be, this was all new to you." Cas smiled slowly, which made Dean smile. Dean loved when he made the angel smile and he crossed the room quickly, planting a kiss on Cas before either of them could say anything else.

When the kiss finally ended (so Dean could breath), Cas said, "Thank you. I know this isn't what you wanted, but I can truly say it was the best 'last night on Earth' I could have imagined.

Dean laughed, "That is such a corny line."

Cas furrowed his eyebrows, "But it is, tomorrow Raphael will most likely kill me."

Dean straightened up, "Don't say that, man. We'll find a way to stop him. I mean, we just…" He left the sentence unfinished, hoping Cas would get his meaning without him having to say it.

"How? He's an archangel and he's going to be pissed we trapped him. How can we stop him?"

"We have the holy oil, right? So let's put it to use. What wouldn't he expect us to do?" Dean relaxed. Now that the chick-flick moment was over he was in his zone, talking about how to kill and trap things (even nuclear reactor powered archangels) was easier than admitting his feeling.

**A/N- Please, please, please leave a review or just tell me something you'd like to see in future updates.**


	4. 5-3 Free to Be You and Me part 4

**A/N- So there is not a lot of original content in this chapter, but this story is about the story behind the story so I had to write in a bunch of the episode to weave my original content in. I do not own Supernatural or make any profit from this (excerpt reviews. Reviews are my profit for the work I put in, so please, if you like what you're reading please leave a review!)**

Cas and Dean stayed up late, planning the best way to catch Raphel off guard. Finally, Dean insisted that he needed to sleep and curled up on a sleeping bag in the corner of the room. Cas sat next to Dean, watching him sleep. Dean moaned and shifted restlessly in his sleep. Cas unfurled his wings. He gently stretched one out and laid it across Dean. Even though his wings were ethereal he knew they could be perceived by humans.

As Cas's wing touched him, Dean calmed and sighed, contented. Cas smiled and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. He replayed the evening in his mind, focusing on Dean kissing him and his smile widened. For the first time he wanted to live. He'd existed for so long, but he never really lived until tonight. He prayed to God throughout the rest of the night for guidance and to live through tomorrow, but as usual his prayers went unanswered.

When Dean woke up Cas quickly tucked his wing behind his back. Dean looked at him quizzically, "Did you sit here all night?"

"Yes."

"You could literally go anywhere on earth, and you sat against the wall of an abandoned building watching me sleep?"

"Yes, there was nowhere else I'd rather be." Cas replied locking eyes with Dean. Dean blushed and looked away. He was so flustered, he couldn't think of a good comeback. He got up off the floor and looked around for his bag. He caught a glimpse of Cas out of the corner of his eye and Cas was still staring at him. Dean blushed harder and turned his back on Cas as he changed, wondering what the angel could possibly find so interesting about him.

"C'mon," Dean growled. "We have a long day ahead and I need coffee and some food." Cas stood up and followed Dean out the door.

.oO~Oo.

"Well, that's a day I'll never get back." Dean said, driving up to the house. He parked the car and got out. Cas climbed out of the passenger seat and headed for the door of the house. Dean caught and stopped him, before getting to the door. "Hey, wait, before we go in," Dean grabbed the collar of Cas's coat and kissed him.

Cas was taken by surprise and barely had time to register the fact that Dean was kissing him, before the other man pulled away. "What was that for?" Cas asked.

"For luck and...well... if you're going to die, I wanted to do that one more time." Dean smiled, shyly at Cas. Cas grinned back and Dean's stomach did a little flip. He really, really liked making Cas smile.

They entered the house and Cas reaches out to Dean, "Dean, wait." The room is filled with a bright light and Raphael stood in the kitchen. The room went dark as the light bulbs shatter, the only light comes from lightning arcs emanating from Raphael's body.

"Castiel," Raphael said in a deep gravelly voice.

"Raphael," Cas nodded back as he and Dean move closer.

"And I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out the room." Dean joked.

"And the Eastern Seaboard." Raphael replied as lightning flashed outside. "It is a testament to my unending mercy that I do not smite you here and now." Raphael said, looking at Cas.

"Or maybe you're full of crap." Dean smirks, "Maybe you're afraid God will bring Cas back to life again and smite you and your candy-ass skirt. By the way, hi, I'm Dean." Dean silently pleaded that Raphael would concentrate on him, leaving Cas alone so they could trap him.

"I know who you are. And now, thanks to him, I know where you are." Raphael replied, making Dean's blood run cold.

"You won't kill him. You wouldn't dare." Cas said.

"But I will take him to Michael." Raphael replied. Cas's heart raced and he started wondering if this was such a good idea after all.

Dean made his way across the room saying, "Well then. Sounds terrifying. It does. But, uh, hate to tell, I'm not going anywhere with you." Dean grabbed a beer from the ice chest, trying to be nonchalant, but really hoping Raphael takes the bait.

"Surely you remember Zachariah giving you stomach cancer?" Raphael responded.

"Yeah, that was hilarious." Dean smirked.

"Well, he doesn't have anything close to my imagination." Raphael said while stalking towards Dean.

Dean smiled, "Yeah, I bet you didn't imagine one thing."

"What?" Raphael asked.

"We knew you were coming, you stupid son of a bitch." Dean lit his lighter and dropped it, igniting the ring of holy oil Raphael had just stepped into. If looks could kill, Dean would have been smited where he stood. "Don't look at me, it was his idea." Dean pointed to Cas. Cas glared at him and Dean shrugged, knowing Cas would forgive him.

Castiel stepped up, "Where is he?"

"God? Didn't you hear? He's dead, Cas. Dead." Raphael smiled at the look of shock on Castiel's face as he shook his head in disbelief. "But there's no other explanation. He's gone for good."

"You're lying," Castiel replied, not wanting to believe.

"Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would have let any of that happen if He were alive?" Raphael asked.

"Oh yeah? Well then who invented the Chinese basket trick?" Dean said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Careful. That's my Father you're talking about, boy." Raphael growled.

"Yeah, who would be so proud to know His sons started the frigging apocalypse." Dean yelled back.

"Who ran off and disappeared. Who left no instructions and a world to run." Raphael replied.

"Daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn't happen to work for the post office, did He?" Dean joked, trying to get Cas to smile.

"This is funny to you? You're living in a godless universe." Raphael glared at Dean.

"And? What, you and the other kids just decided to throw an apocalypse while He was gone?" Dean asked.

"We're tired." Raphael sighed. "We just want it to be over. We just want...paradise."

"So what, God dies and makes you the boss and you decide you can do whatever you want?" Dean replied, getting angry.

"Yes. And whatever we want, we get." Raphael punctured the statement by breaking all the windows.

Cas threw his wings out to protect Dean from the shattering glass. As he straightened back up he responded. "If God is dead, why have I returned? Who brought me back?"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Lucifer raised you?" Raphael asked.

"No," Cas shook his head in disbelief.

"Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up." Raphael responded.

"Let's go." Cas said to Dean while glaring at Raphael.

"Castiel, I'm warning you. Do not leave me here." Raphael warned "I will find you."

"Maybe one day, but today, you're my little bitch." Cas sneered as he turned to leave.

Dean paused, "What he said." And followed Cas out the door. Once outside, Dean got behind the wheel of the Impala while Cas rode shotgun. Dean peeled out of the driveway, wanting to put as much distance between himself and the archangel before the holy fire died.

After about an hour of speeding down back roads, Dean found a highway and kept driving like a bat out of Hell (or, more appropriately, out of Heaven). Dean took a deep breath and asked, "You okay?" Cas remained silent, staring at the road ahead. "Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers."

"What do you mean?" Castiel seemed roused from his trance.

"I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?" Dean asked.

"I believe he's out there." Cas stated.

"Good. Then go find him." Dean replied.

"What about you?" Cas asked, hoping that Dean would ask him to stay.

"What about me?" Dean was confused, he didn't know why Cas was worried about him. "I don't know. Honestly, I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm really good."

Castiel's heart fluttered, maybe Dean was happy with their new relationship, but he also knew that Dean needed Sam. "Even without your brother?"

"Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch." Dean started ranting. "I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years, and you're not that much fun." Cas's heart swelled with love, only to break. He didn't bother to listen to the rest of Dean's speech; he spread his wings and left without a destination, he just needed some distance. "It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone, hell, I'm happy." Dean smiled. He heard the rustle of wings and looked over to the passenger seat to find that Cas left. His smile faltered and he realized what he said.

"Cas? Cas I didn't mean it like that." Dean said to the empty car. "Damn it, Cas. I didn't mean...us, I meant…" _What did I mean?_


	5. 5-4 The End part 1

**A/N Sorry for the delay. I had intended to write this whole episode as one post, but it got away from me and I'm still tweaking the ending so I decided to cut it down and post it in hope of getting some reviews and ****inspiration**** to finish the episode. **

Dean sloged into the hotel room and tosses his bag on the dilapidated bed. "We're talking about the Colt, right? I mean, as in _the _Colt?" Dean says into his phone, not sure if he heard Cas correctly or if lack of sleep is getting to him.

From the other end of the phone Cas answers, "We are."

Dean shakes his head, still confused, "Well, that doesn't make any sense. I mean, why would the demons keep a gun around that, uh, kills demons?" Dean hears a loud car horn over the phone and shys away from the receiver.

"What?! What? Did...I didn't… I didn't get that." Cas yelled

Dean chuckled to himself. "You know it's kind of funny. Talking to a messenger of God on a cellphone. It's, you know, like watching a Hell's Angel ride a moped."

"This isn't funny Dean. The voice says I'm almost out of minutes." Cas responds tersely.

"Okay, all right. I'm...I'm telling you, Cas, the mooks have melted down the gun by now." Dean replied.

"Well, I hear differently. And if it's true and if you are still set on the insane task of killing the devil, this is how we do it." Cas said gruffly.

Dean's face showed his shock, but he replied coolly, "Okay, Where do we start?"

"Where are you now?" Cas asked.

Dean flops down on the bed as he says, "Kansas City." he leaned across the bed to grab his room key to check the name of the hotel. "Century Hotel, room 113."

"I'll be there immediately." Cas replied.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. No. No, come on, man. I just drove like sixteen hours straight, okay? I'm human. And there's stuff I got to do."

"What stuff?" Cas asks, confused.

"Eat, for example. In this case, sleep. I just need like four hours once in a while, okay?" Dean pleaded. So, you can pop in tomorrow morning."

"Yes. I'll just-" Cas started, but Dean hung up on him. "-wait here, then." Cas hung up the phone, chest fallen that Dean did not ask him to spend the night. He knew Dean didn't feel the same about him, but he had hoped that Dean would let him be close again.

.oO~Oo.

Dean's head reeled from everything as he stumbled out of the cabin. He was five years in the future and the Apocalypse was in full swing. Bobby was dead and he had locked himself up. Well 2014 version had locked him up. He had managed to pry a nail loose from the floorboard and pick the lock on the handcuffs.

Dean stumbled into Chuck, who was yammering on about supplies and got punched for sleeping around before he managed to find what he was really looking for: Cas's whereabouts. When he entered Cas's cabin he was shocked to find Cas sitting on the floor with a circle of women. He was no longer wearing his classic trench coat and he had a scruffy beard.

"So, in this way. We're each a fragment of total perception-just, uh, one compartment in that dragonfly eye of group mind. Now, the key to this total, shared perception-its, um, it's surprisingly physical." Cas said to the group of entranced women. Cas looked up and spotted Dean. He quickly adds, "Oh. Excuse me, ladies. I think I need to confer with our fearless leader for a minute. Why not go get washed up for the orgy?" The women stand to leave and Castiel looks longingly after them saying, "You're all so beautiful."

Dean was speechless. _Just last week Cas couldn't talk to a single woman at a whore house, and now he is propositioning a whole group of women for an orgy?_ Dean's mind wanders back to that night at the cat house and what they did afterward in his car. Dean shifts nervously as he watches Cas stand and stretch. Dean shakes off the thoughts and says, "What are you, a hippie?"

Castiel sighs and responds, "I thought you'd gotten over trying to label me."

Dean takes a step forward, "Cas we got to talk."

Cas turned around, expecting another lecture about hedonism and duty to protect the world, but what he sees when he looks at Dean surprises him. "Whoa. Strange." Cas backs up to get a better look at this Dean.

"What?" Dean is confused by Cas's reaction.

"You...are not you. Not now you, anyway." Cas replied, still looking at Dean intently.

"No! Yeah, Yes, exactly." Dean breathed a sigh of relief, at least Cas got it and could tell that he wasn't supposed to be here.

"What year are you from?" Cas asked, still staring.

"2009." Dean replies.

Cas nods his head. This certainly wasn't his Dean and depending on when in 2009 this Dean could have no clue about their relationship. He decides to play it cool for the moment. "Who did this to you? Is it Zachariah?"

"Yes."

"Interesting," Cas tapped his finger on his chin trying to suss out exactly when _this _Dean was from and what he knew.

"Oh, yeah, it's friggin' fascinating. Now, Why don't you strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calendar?"

The sharp tone of Dean's voice convinces Cas that this Dean is from after the night he confessed his feeling. _Maybe...just maybe… _"I wish I could just, uh, strap on my wings, but I'm sorry, no dice."

"What, are you stoned?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"Uh, generally, yeah." Cas replied, rubbing his stubbly cheek.

"What happened to you?"

"Life," Cas replied.

"Life? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Dean demanded. He had had enough of this Cas's attitude. "I need your help and you can't do anything? What good is having an angel around if you can't help?!" Dean yelled back.

Cas stilled and glared at Dean, "That's all I am to you, isn't it? A tool to be used. Someone you call when you need something. Well, I'm not that guy anymore, so go find someone else." For a moment, Cas looked like Dean's Cas from 2009, but then it faded and Cas shook his head and started heading out of the cabin.

"Wait," Dean reached out to grab Cas's shoulder. Cas stiffened as Dean's hand touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry, this has been a crazy 24 hours. I didn't mean to imply that you were a tool. You're...you're my friend."

Cas melted, this was the Dean he had fallen in love with. The Dean that didn't kill without explanation, the Dean that while a little naive was never ruthlessly mean, the Dean that still had hope. "I know," he replied. "It has been a rough 5 years and we have both changed...for the worst." Dean was about to reply when they heard the rumble of returning vehicles. "Sounds like you've returned. Better go see if you were successful." Cas reluctantly pulls away from Dean's grip and heads outside. Dean just stares after the other man trying to figure out why this smiling, emotional Cas, seems so much more sad than his stoic angelic statue.

.oO~Oo.

The meeting broke up and 2009 Dean headed to the convoy with Castiel. Cas climbs behind the wheel and Dean hurries to catch up, climbing in shotgun. Dean stares wide eyed at Castiel as he downs some pills. "Let me see those." He demands reaching for the bottle.

"You want some?" Cas asks, handing the pills over.

Dean looks at the bottle, trying to read the faded label, "Amphetamines?" He asks.

Cas smiles, giving Dean a knowing look, "It's the perfect antidote to that absinthe."

"Mmm. Don't get me wrong, Cas. I, uh. I'm happy that the stick is out of your ass, but...what's going on? W-with the drugs and the orgies and love-guru crap?" Dean asks. Castiel laughs; his heart swelling with love for this Dean. "What's so funny?" Dean demands.

"Dean, I'm not an angel anymore." Cas explains.

"What?" Dean is flabbergasted.

"Yeah, I went mortal." Cas adds.

"What do you mean? How?" Dean can't wrap his head around Cas not being an angel.

"I think it had something to do with the other angels leaving. But when they bailed, my mojo just kind of….psshhew! Drained away. And now, you know, I'm practically human. I mean, Dean. I'm all but useless. Last year, I broke my foot, laid up for two months."

"Wow," Dean tried imagining Cas sitting on his ass for two months and realized how much he relied on Cas to be...well, Cas. "So, you're human. Well, welcome to the club."

"Thanks. Except I used to belong to a much better club and now I'm powerless. I'm hapless, I'm hopeless." Cas ranted on. "I mean, why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence, right? It's the end, baby. That's what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out? But then that's, that's just how I roll." Cas kept talking, trying to convince himself as much as Dean. "I mean you were the one who didn't want me to die a virgin?"

Dean's head snapped around as he looked at Cas, "What?!"

"You didn't want me to die a virgin... The night before we trapped Raphael...You took me to a whore house." Cas reminded Dean, smirking as Dean's face blushed red.

"You...You remember that?" Dean asked, nervously.

Cas turned to Dean with his eyes as serious and deep as Dean had ever seen them. "Of course. How could I forget the best night of my life."

Dean's blush turned bright red and crept all the way down the back of his neck as he nervously cleared his throat. " Uhh...well…"

Cas turned back to watch the road and chuckled at Dean's uneasiness. "I knew it! You remember that evening too, what else do you remember?" Dean's blush faded as he puzzled Castiel's question. Cas sighed and rephrased his questions, "How long ago did that happen for you? By your reaction, I'm guessing it hasn't been long."

Dean looked at the road ahead and tried to keep his emotions in check. "That was last week."

"Wow, okay," Cas nodded lost in thought

"That's all you have to say?" Dean asked, getting angry.

"What do you want me say?" Cas asked.

"I don't know? Maybe how you went from 'I loved you since I first saw you' to orgies with anything that moves?" Dean demanded.

Cas smiled, but there was sadness in his eyes. "I have loved you since I saw you. I have never stopped loving you, but...you… other you…" Cas trailed off.

Dean nodded his head, understanding what Cas was trying to say. "So the orgies?"

"Sex is good, Dean. You of all people know that. Just 'cause I can't have what I want, doesn't mean that I can't have some fun, does it?" Cas replied.

"Are you? Having fun I mean?" Dean asked looking at the strung out man behind the wheel.

The silence in the car seemed to drag on for hours as Cas contemplated his reply. After about ten minutes, Cas replied in a low whisper, "No. I haven't been happy for a long, long time."

"Then why are you still hanging around here?" Dean asked.

"Where would I go?" Cas replied.

"You could have left with the other angels." Dean offered.

That got a smile from Cas, "No I couldn't, they wouldn't have taken me back and, well...I couldn't leave you. You may not love me, but I love you and I couldn't leave you during the Apocalypse. I'd follow you anywhere, why do you think I'm on this suicide run?

"Suicide?" Dean asked. "I thought we were going to kill the devil?"

Cas shook his head, "You've met you, right? No one is coming out of this alive. You have been on this path of self destruction for years. I've tried to be there for you. I've tried to help you. I've tried to give you space. But nothing has changed, you have always been heading for this fight." Dean looked out the window, pondering Cas's words. They passed the rest of the drive in silence.


End file.
